For the last couple of weeks I have been feeling pretty upbeat and positive. I have developed a heavy feeling in my tummy, am super tired and really hungry. I have been enjoying feeling pregnancy symptoms.
I have found a midwife finally. I contacted 15 before I found someone who was available. My due date is 1st Jan so it means working over the holiday season and so many midwives were just unavailable for this time.
As I said, I have been feeling pretty positive, but in the couple of days leading up to our scan, doubt and worry made it's way in. I had a day where I didn't feel tired. What's going on? Over analysing every feeling and symptom, or lack of. Wondering if everything is OK.
I have been memorizing scripture for the last few months and this has gotten me through some difficult times. At the moment I recite 2 Timothy 1.7 to myself. 'God has not given us a spirit of fear.' I do not need to be fearful. I do not need to worry. God is with me. He is with my babies.
Finally, yesterday afternoon arrived and it was time for our scan. Our doctor greeted us and asked how i was doing. I replied with great enthusiasm that I was great. 'Oh' he said. 'Your suppossed to tell me you have nausea.'
Nope. No nausea. But I am really tired and super hungry. That's a good sign right?
We have our scan. I can never understand them, even when the doctor is pointing out stuff I really struggle to see what he is referring to. He located the yoke sack, the fetal pole and we see a slight flicker. I am looking to my doctor, trying to establish if things are good. He isn't giving much away. Then he takes some measurements and says the yoke sack is measuring 6 weeks 0 days. He asks again how far along I am. 6 weeks 6 days.
The scan ends with us being told it is inconclusive. It's just a bit too early to make any sure conclusions. He explained that sometimes embryos are a bit slow to implant and hatch and that could explain why the growth is nearly a week behind. He books us in for another scan the following week. He gives me a pat on the shoulder and says 'Sorry, it's going to be a long week.'
Flex Thunderstache had to leave quickly after the scan so we didn't get the opportunity to talk until the evening. The afternoon left me feeling disappointed. Not bad news, but also not the news we were hoping for. IVF is never simple or straight forward. There is always one more test, one more hoop to jump through, one more period of waiting. It is a long roller-coaster of emotions.
When I got home Flex Thunderstache was very positive about it all, saying it was good news. I was so grateful for his optimism. And my sock buddy told me it was a very positive sign seeing a yoke sack and a fetal pole. By evening I was feeling very encouraged and hopeful again.
We still don't know if I am pregnant with twins. We only saw one yoke sack and one fetal pole so I would assume that it is a single pregnancy, but they are so small at this stage. I have heard that sometimes they can hide. It did take the doctor a while to locate the one we saw. Maybe they will be able to confirm next week.
So we are back to the place we have been so many times before. A place of waiting. It is still very early days. A lot of women still wouldn't even know they were pregnant at this stage. I have known for 3 weeks. Its one of the many blessings and down sides of IVF. You know so much so early on.
Thank you for your prayers and good thoughts. It means the world to us.
Much love,
Alana, Flex Thunderstache, Frankie and the blueberry (apparently our baby is currently the size of a blueberry)
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