The 'what went wrong' review

'Well we went out with a bang didn't we.'

'What a spectacular fail.'

These were the first words to come out of my mouth when we met with our Doctor on Monday.

Through out this process, I have found myself making light-hearted comments like the ones above. I think this must be part of my coping mechanism. Turning bad news into not so much a big deal. 

I was expecting to be told that they didn't know what went wrong, that it was just really bad luck and that we shouldn't expect the same thing would necessarily happen again. 

This is what I was expecting, I was hoping for more.

We got more.

He couldn't tell us what went wrong, but Dr Stegmann was able to show us a chart of our egg and embryo development over the 5 days. He said, had we done a 3 day transfer, we probably would have had 4 or maybe 5 embryos to choose from, however, by day 5 they had all stopped developing, 2 were almost there, but not quite.

I don't have any regrets choosing a 5 day transfer and I would choose that again. I am sure that if we had done a 3 day transfer, the same thing would have happened, only I would have had to go through the 'dreaded 2 week wait'. I am certain I would be analyzing every teak and twinge in my body and consulting Dr google over everything, only to later go through a miscarriage. 

It was better this way.

I had the opportunity to ask why we needed ICSI. Dr Stegmann's responce was "I don't know' which made us laugh. He did say thought that ICSI is quite a common practice now. They want to ensure that as many eggs as possible fertilize - and this is the best way to do it. We were both happy with his honest feedback agreed that ICSI was a good choice - after all, we did get a high number of eggs fertilizing, they just had trouble after that.

Dr Stegmann said he didn't want us to proceed with another round until he had made sure we weren't missing something. We will both be getting chromosome blood tests done to make sure there isn't anything wrong there. If it comes back clear then we can go a head with another round and hopefully there will be no issues. If the tests do reveal something then we can discuss what our options are. Test results take a couple of weeks to come back and I don't imagine Flex Thunderstache will get a chance to do his test until next week.

So roughly a 3 week wait for us. 

All in all, we left the appointment feeling quite positive.

We also celebrated out 7th wedding anniversary. What a journey it has been. We had a lovely meal at Charley Nobel's and Flex Thunderstache got to have Steak Tartare. (That's one to tick off the bucket list) I even tried a  bit. We agreed it tasted like a Big Mac - must have used the same sort of gherkin.

Yesterday I had my blood test done for my chromosome test. I wasn't feeling very brave, so I thought of my future baby and that gave me strength. 

I can do this!

I will add another post once we find out what our chromosomes are doing.

Much love,

Flex Thunderstache, Alana and Frankie