Day 60

Test day.

My first week waiting went by with no troubles. I was enjoying having time at home to do absolutely nothing, and I managed to get through the first week without thinking too much about our treatment. 

The next few days were much harder.

As test day drew closer, I found it hard to hold onto hope - could this round really be any different? Everything about this round had worse results than our first 2 cycles.

I managed to stay off Dr Google for the entire wait, but internally, I over thought every sign and symptom, every pang, every twinge, wondering if it was a good sign or a bad sign. The last few days were hard.

On Sunday I had mild nausea all day and I was so happy. I didn't care that I was feeling sick, this surely was a good sign and it gave me hope. But on Monday there was no nausea and I found out my brother and sister in law (who I has spent the weekend with) had also been feeling unwell. 

I was crushed.

I went to bed on Monday night feeling pretty hopeless. I couldn't sleep. My mind was so active and I just wanted it to hurry up and all be over. I decided to turn my thoughts to something positive so I lay in bed and thanked God for all the good things in my life. It included important things like amazing supportive family and  friends, Daniel and Frankie and some not so important things like Feijoas and soft cheese.

Finally sleep came, but not for long, I was awake again at 4am and couldn't get back to sleep. In the 6 years we have been trying to start a family, I have never blamed myself or my body for infertility but in the early hours of the morning of test day I couldn't shift the thought that my body was broken. That it couldn't do the thing it was designed to do, even with the assistance of IVF. 

I am made in His image. God doesn't make mistakes. I told myself.

At 6am my alarm went off followed by a notification from the pregnancy app I had downloaded, congratulating me on being 4 weeks pregnant. Argh, why did I down load that thing? I didn't need to hear that today.

I had decided to do a home pregnancy test that morning before my blood test. I didn't want to get a call at work from my nurse telling me I wasn't pregnant. I wanted to be prepared for that call.

But yesterday morning I didn't want to get out of bed and do that test. I wanted to hold onto that very thin thread of hope for just a bit longer. But by 6:15am I couldn't put it off any longer, I needed to get up now so I would have time to get a blood test done and be at work by 8am.

I fumble my way into the bathroom, get out the test, read the instructions twice and then dive right in. I do the test, put it straight on the window sill then sit on the floor. 

I don't want to watch it.

I set my phone for 3 minutes, turn off the light and I pray. 

I pray for Daniel and I, that God would be with us, that He would give us strength.

My alarm sounds but I can't look. 

I set it for another 2 minutes.

Beep beep beep, can't really put it off any longer, slowly I stand up and peer over the window ledge and I gasp. Staring straight back at me are not 2 blue lines (I named this blog before I had any experience with pregnancy tests!) but 2 strong pink lines.

I stand there for a minute in shock, and then trembling I make may way back to bed where Flex Thunderstache extends his arms to give me a big hug to console me. 

'It was positive' I whisper

There is a moment of silence and then Flex Thuderstache replies 'well that is unexpected'

On my way into town I am sitting on the train, looking out the window at the ocean, smiling and crying happy tears. For the first time in my life, after 6 years of trying to start a family, I have seen a positive pregnancy test. 

I am no longer infertile or barren.

I am pregnant.

Late morning I recieve a call from my nurse, congratulating me and confirming our pregnancy. My HCG level (Human Chorionic Gonadotropin - the pregnancy hormone) is 190 which our nurse is really happy with. A normal reading at 4 weeks is anything between 5 and 425mIU/ml. 

I have another blood test on Monday to check my levels again. A healthy pregnancy should see that level doubling every 2-3 days.

I am also booked in for my first scan at the end of May. We transferred 2 embryos, so this scan will be our first opportunity to find out of we are having twins. Secretly, (but not so secretly) I hope we are!

We are still in shock. It's a lot to take in, we have been on this journey for so long. It's a lot to process.

It is still very early days and we have a long way to go, but we are choosing to share this with you because we want to acknowledge and celebrate the life(lives) that are growing in my belly.

We know that God is with us wherever we go (Joshua 1:9) He has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7) and He makes the barren women the joyful mother of children (Psalms 113:9)

Much love to you all,

Alana, Flex Thunderstache, Frankie, Annie Mary and Bill Garry (Yes - my mum and mother in law have already named our embryos) And if we have twin boys, apparently we are calling them Jay and Mike - Haha. We will see :-)

Day 49

We had our first transfer today!!

The car ride to the clinic this morning was pretty quiet. Phone out, both of us expecting it to ring at any moment. When I stepped into the clinic it was such a surreal feeling - we had actually made it to transfer day.

I had booked in for acupuncture before and after transfer and was so please I had. I was so nervous - almost to the point where I was shaking. Not nervous about the transfer itself, but more in shock that it was actually going to happening. Having that time to be still and put on some worship music really helped to calm me.

The procedure was quick and straight forward and now our 2 little embryos are back where they belong.

I am now what is referred to as PUPO. Pregnant until proven otherwise.

Pregnant.

I still can't believe it.

So now we wait. And pray. And hope that these little guys stick.

We still have a long way to go, but for now we will celebrate this milestone.

Much love,

Alana, Flex Thunderstache and Frankie

Day 47

Not the results we were hoping for today.

Of our 9 eggs, only 3 were mature and only 2 have fertilised.

2 little embryos.

Our embryologist was quite surprised by this, everything was looking so great and she couldn't really offer any explanation of why it's turned out like this. 

My estrogen levels at my last blood test were 5000. Apparently, a mature egg has an estrogen level of about 1000, so they were expecting around 5 mature eggs. She explained that sometimes an egg can have a higher reading which can skew the results.

I asked why the Dr yesterday didn't collect eggs from every follicle. She explained that sometimes the follicles are just too hard to get to. While I had 14 follicles at my scan on the weekend, the scan taken yesterday during the procedure showed that I only had 4 follicles each side that were a good size. You have to remember that they are very small and measured in mm. Sometimes, for example, a follicle will measure say 16 - 17 mm at a scan, but then on a different day from a different angle it might only measure 14-15 mm.

If you have 4 or more embryos, you would usually do a day 5 transfer (which would be Sunday for us). If you have 3 or less it would be a day 3 transfer (Friday). For our last 2 rounds we have had 7 and 4 embryos, so have always waited to day 5 for the transfer (and then we get a call to say they have stopped developing and we have nothing to transfer)

But the decision is up to us. We now need to decide if we do a day 3 or a day 5 transfer. If we wait to day 5, it is possible we wont have an embryo to transfer. If we do a day 3 then we may be putting ourselves through the '2 week wait' to find out if it is successful, when potentially, we could have just found out if it was going to survive if we waited till day 5.

I also asked if it would be possible to transfer both on day 3. When a cycle is public funded, there are very strict regulations that have to be followed and that includes only putting back one embryo.  They want to minimize the chance of multiple births. However, given our history, it is possible that we will be able to put them both back.

Tomorrow our embryologist will check our embryos and give us a call to let us know how they are going. She will also let us know if we are able to put back two. At this stage, Flex Thunderstache and I will have to let her know what we have decided regarding a day 3 or day 5 transfer.

Part of me wants to laugh, part of me wants to cry, part of me just wants to block it out and not think about it at all. I am ready for this to be over, but I don't want it to end until we have exhausted all our options.

Miracles happen. There is always hope. I am just struggling to hold onto that hope at the moment. It is comforting to know that our friends and family are praying for us - bridging the gap where my faith lacks today.

God is creator of all life.

He is writing our story. 

I know that it's going to be great.

Thank you for doing this journey with us. It certainly makes it easier.

Much love, Alana, flex and Frankie

Day 46

Success!

We got the needle in.

First attempt!

My lovely nurse and I even exchanged a high 5

This was the quickest, easiest procedure I have had so far. It took all of 3 minutes and the drugs worked great!

9 eggs were collected today. I have to say, I was a bit disappointed with that number. We had the most follicles growing in this treatment, but that's the least amount of eggs.

Flex Thunderstache was watching the screen showing the needle going into each follicle. He told me later that the Dr didn't go into all of them. I am guessing the Dr could tell which ones were too small and not likely to contain a mature egg.

So I am hoping that tomorrow, when I get my phone call, the majority of those 9 will be mature and will have fertilized.

Now we enter into the waiting game.

(all ready to go with my elephant socks)

Thank you everyone for your good wishes and prayers. 

Xxx Alana, Flex Thunderstache and Frankie

Day 45

Yeehaa! Today was my first needle free day after 25 days of injections. 

Yesterday I got the call confirming my trigger injection and egg collection.

For the last last 10 days I have been been doing gonal f injections. This over stimulates my ovaries so my body produces lots of follicles and hopefully lots of eggs. At the same time, I have been taking an injection called lucrin which stops my body from releasing the eggs. The trigger injection (done at a precise time) releases the eggs so that they are ready for collection 36 hours later.

My trigger injection was last night at 11pm, meaning my egg collection procedure will be tomorrow at 11am.

Today I have been feeling tired and uncomfortable, much more so than I remember from the last 2 rounds. Hopefully this is a good sign that there are lots of eggs. But not to many. If I get 20 or more then it becomes a 'freeze all cycle'. With ivf treatment, there is a risk of OHSS - ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome. While there is always a risk of developing it, if you get 20 or more eggs then the chance is higher and they will freeze your embryos to use at a later date to give your body a rest from all the drugs and stimulants. 

Tomorrow, I am hopeful we will get between 15 - 19 eggs. (Feeling optimistic!)

You may remember that at my first cycle, there was great difficulty getting the intravenous needle into vein. After 5 attempts, I ended up having a local. For the second round, they skipped the first part and just went straight to the local injection. With the first round I was pretty numb and didn't feel anything. (I think some of the drugs must have gone in with the intravenous needle) Second round was quite different - I felt the needle stab into every follicle.

So for tomorrow, we are going to try for the intravenous needle. For the last 3 days I have been drinking 3+ liters of water. I am hoping that if I am super hydrated then my veins will co-operate! We will see!

Today I arrived home to find a care package from my sock buddy. We were sock buddies for our second round and it has been so great to journey along side her with round 3. We are in this together and have been able to encourage each other along the way.

I wouldn't say I am looking forward to tomorrow - it's not the nicest procedure, but I am excited to find out how many eggs we retrieve. 

Another update will follow tomorrow after egg collection.

Much love,

Alana, Flex Thunderstache and Frankie

Day 43

My scan this morning showed good results.

As usual, my left ovary has been more active than my right. I have 14 follicles growing. No wonder my belly is feeling full.

On my right side I have 6 growing: 17mm, 12mm, 15mm, 16mm, 14mm, 16mm

On my left side I have 8: 19mm, 12mm, 14mm, 15mm, 16mm, 20mm, 13mm, 17mm

They grow pretty quickly, around 2mm a day. I was hoping that I would be doing my trigger injection tonight and have egg collection on Monday. Alas, my eggs need a little more ripening. I have to go in for a 9 am blood test tomorrow and then hopefully I will get the go ahead to do the trigger injection tomorrow evening.

I left my scan feeling pretty positive this morning. In my first cycle I had 13 follicles and for round 2 I had 9 follicles. 

We are off to an excellent start.

I keep reminding myself that what we need is quality, not quantity, but I guess the more eggs I have, the more chance there is that one of those will be good quality. Hopefully all that linseed I have been having has helped. 

Time will tell.

Xx Frankie, Flex and the Egg Factory

Day 42

Day 42

Day 23 of injections

4 Blood tests.

My week has been filled with needles. I have been doing 2 injections daily since Thursday 29th March and I have had a couple of blood tests this week. Actually, make that 3 blood tests, because on Tuesday, my left arm didn't want to give up any blood so I then had to have a second one in my right arm. Fortunately today's blood test was much easier. I put it down to the 5 glasses of water I drank in the hour before hand. 

Today I am definitely noticing the effect of the drugs. My belly is feeling very full, much more so than I remember feeling with the previous 2 rounds. Hopefully this is a sign of good things to come.

Tomorrow I will be at the blood lab at 8:30am when they open, for yet another blood test and then I will be getting my first scan. I am actually feeling a bit excited about it. My nurse has told me that my blood test results have been great, but the scan tomorrow will be my first opportunity to really see what's going on - how many follicles I have growing and what size they are. I am hopeful that it will all be looking good and that I will do my trigger injection tomorrow night. This will mean that egg collection will be on Monday.

We are nearly there. 

I am feeling excited.

 

And nervous.

And very at peace about it all.

I will update again tomorrow.

Alana, Flex Thunderstache and Frankie