Usually I look forward to calls from the clinic. They update us, inform us, prepare us and remind us we are well on our way in this journey.
Except today.
Today is transfer day.
On transfer day you don't want a call from the clinic.
On transfer day, no news is good news.
At 8:20 am my cell phone rang and my heart sank.
It was the clinic.
We had 7 embryos. Good numbers. Good odds. It only takes 1.
Sadly, none of our embryos made it to day 5, which means we have nothing to transfer.
Devastated.
Yet I believe that God is the giver and creator of all life. We have had so many people holding us in prayer during this time (we are so thankful for you all) that it makes it easier to accept that this just wasn't our time.
I have never been very good at hearing from God, but I do randomly get songs pop into my head, and I believe that this is how God speaks to me.
Today it was this song:
We place you on the highest place
For you are the great high priest
We place you high above all else
And we come to you and worship at you feet.
A reminder that God is at my center. He is my rock
I am thankful for the opportunity we were given, for the friends I have made, for the support and love and prayers we have received. It has made this journey so much easier.
A good friend of mine once said that with IVF there are so many off ramps. So many stages along the journey where you may suddenly find yourself exiting the journey.
Today was our off ramp.
But there are also on ramps. We will take our time to grieve, to process what has happened, and then when it is our turn for public funding, we will give it another go.
So for now, I am on the hunt for a big piece of gooey, sticky, sickly chocolate cake. And I think we will open the bottle of dessert wine we bought in Martinborough in March.
And when you have this face to look at, who can be sad.
I know that we will be OK, we have Frankie, our little treasure. And I have Flex Thunderstache. There is never a dull moment being married to him.
Much love,
Frankie, Flex Thunderstache and Alana
Except today.
Today is transfer day.
On transfer day you don't want a call from the clinic.
On transfer day, no news is good news.
At 8:20 am my cell phone rang and my heart sank.
It was the clinic.
We had 7 embryos. Good numbers. Good odds. It only takes 1.
Sadly, none of our embryos made it to day 5, which means we have nothing to transfer.
Devastated.
Yet I believe that God is the giver and creator of all life. We have had so many people holding us in prayer during this time (we are so thankful for you all) that it makes it easier to accept that this just wasn't our time.
I have never been very good at hearing from God, but I do randomly get songs pop into my head, and I believe that this is how God speaks to me.
Today it was this song:
We place you on the highest place
For you are the great high priest
We place you high above all else
And we come to you and worship at you feet.
A reminder that God is at my center. He is my rock
I am thankful for the opportunity we were given, for the friends I have made, for the support and love and prayers we have received. It has made this journey so much easier.
A good friend of mine once said that with IVF there are so many off ramps. So many stages along the journey where you may suddenly find yourself exiting the journey.
Today was our off ramp.
But there are also on ramps. We will take our time to grieve, to process what has happened, and then when it is our turn for public funding, we will give it another go.
So for now, I am on the hunt for a big piece of gooey, sticky, sickly chocolate cake. And I think we will open the bottle of dessert wine we bought in Martinborough in March.
And when you have this face to look at, who can be sad.
I know that we will be OK, we have Frankie, our little treasure. And I have Flex Thunderstache. There is never a dull moment being married to him.
Much love,
Frankie, Flex Thunderstache and Alana
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