Day 4

And here we are again. 

Today is day 4. Our 3rd cycle has finally begun. It feels like we have been waiting a really long time for this.

Today I had my drug teach session. I am a bit of a pro now at the injections, but this time we are doing a long cycle and I have a new drug called Lucrin. For my previous drugs, they come all ready to go. With Lucrin I have to draw it up out of a bottle. Fortunately they make it all pretty straight forward to administer yourself and after my drug teach I am feeling confident I wont have any issues with this.

The first part of this treatment involves me taking a contraceptive pill for about 3 weeks- seems a little odd right? The reason for taking it is that it shuts down my ovaries and stops them from producing any follicles or eggs. This gives my ovaries a bit of a rest, and then when I start on the Gonal-F injections, it will zap my ovaries into life and hopefully help me to grow lots of follicles and eggs. It also means that both ovaries will be starting from 0, which should help them to grow evenly. With our last cycle we got 10 eggs, but only 4 of them were mature. We are hoping that this cycle will grow them slower and we will get more mature eggs.

The injections will start on the 15th of March and my egg collection is scheduled for the week beginning 9th April. 

I am so ready for this and feeling relieved that the wait if finally over.

Much love, Alana, Flex Thunderstache and Frankie

I choose Hope

Yesterday on my way into work I was reading an infertility blog by 'Grace while we wait'. It mentioned the bracelet that my prayer partner had given me. The one that is engraved in Hebrew with the word Qavah.

It means to wait. 

To expect. 

I love wearing it. I reminds me to wait with hope and with expectation.

For the last 6 or so weeks I have been planning a big trip to Europe for Flex Thunderstache and I in case our treatment goes pear shaped. I have spent hours watching travel shows, looking through travel books, trying to map out the perfect holiday. I have been getting really excited about it and found myself looking forward to going.

Looking forward to going on a trip that will only happen if this treatment fails.

This planning has been great for keeping my mind busy, but what I have realised is that it is already creating in me the mindset that this treatment wont work.

I want to approach this round with hope and expectation. I want to have faith, that this time it will be different.

And so I made a decision.

I decided to put away the travel brochures, the maps and books. I decided that I would make my heart vulnerable again. I decided to start planing my baby shower again. To re-visit my pintrest board filled with nursery design ideas and I ordered fabric so I could sew again my for my baby.

I chose Hope.

The end is in sight

February!

I am glad to see you. 

I has been a challenging few weeks.

I have heard stories of couples who tried to conceive for 10 years before having their miracle baby. I always thought I would be able to do this if needed. But the truth is, after 6 years, I am tired. I have hit a wall. I have reached my limit. I am ready for this to be over.

I am tired of being so controlled with what I eat. One of my favorite things to do in the summer is have fish and chis on the beach. This year it has been salad on the beach, while everyone else around me enjoys one of my favorite activities. I am tired of taking handfuls of pill every morning and evening. I am tired of feeling guilty when I have a weak moment and eat a handful of potato chips.  I am tired of putting life on hold.

February is treatment month. I wont be starting till the end of Feb, but now the countdown is on. The end is in sight and this has thankfully given me some new strength.

We have received the results back from Flex Thunderstache's sperm test. This test was to check if there was a problem with DNA fragmentation in the sperm. The results are given as a percentage. Under 16% is considered excellent. Flex Thunderstache's results were 9.2%. 

This is good news. But for me, also bad news. While I am really happy that everything is great with Flex Thunderstache's swimmers, what it also means is that the problem really is with my eggs. And this just really doesn't seem fair. How can he have such good sperm when his diet includes a lot of fast food and he is constantly surrounded by nasty fumes and chemicals in is workplace (Flex Thunderstache is a motorcycle mechanic) And yet, I am so fit and so healthy and have poor quality eggs. Truly, this is something way out of my control. 

So the countdown is on. Treatment will begin in approximately 3 weeks.

Bring it on! I am ready!

Xx Alana, Flex and Frankie