Yesterday on my way into work I was reading an infertility blog by 'Grace while we wait'. It mentioned the bracelet that my prayer partner had given me. The one that is engraved in Hebrew with the word Qavah.
It means to wait.
To expect.
I love wearing it. I reminds me to wait with hope and with expectation.
For the last 6 or so weeks I have been planning a big trip to Europe for Flex Thunderstache and I in case our treatment goes pear shaped. I have spent hours watching travel shows, looking through travel books, trying to map out the perfect holiday. I have been getting really excited about it and found myself looking forward to going.
Looking forward to going on a trip that will only happen if this treatment fails.
This planning has been great for keeping my mind busy, but what I have realised is that it is already creating in me the mindset that this treatment wont work.
I want to approach this round with hope and expectation. I want to have faith, that this time it will be different.
And so I made a decision.
I decided to put away the travel brochures, the maps and books. I decided that I would make my heart vulnerable again. I decided to start planing my baby shower again. To re-visit my pintrest board filled with nursery design ideas and I ordered fabric so I could sew again my for my baby.
I chose Hope.
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