Day 16

Transfer day.

Sadly we find ourselves in exactly the same position we were in 4 months ago.

Our embryos have not developed into 5 day blastocysts so our transfer has been cancelled.

Flex Thunderstache kindly agreed to keep watch of the phone this morning and take the call. I am glad I didn't have to receive that phone call again

The embryologist said they would check on our embryos again tomorrow morning to see if there was any change, but a change was unlikely.

So I took Frankie for a walk and then Flex Thunderstache and I went out for brunch. This cycle is over but we must carry on. Hopefully we wont have to wait too long this time for our review appointment.

This afternoon we have our nephews 1st birthday party. Infertility has stolen many things from us, but I refuse to let it steel the precious moments we can have with our nieces and nephews.

With love,

Flex Thunderstache, Frankie and Alana

Day 12

Today we found out that of the 10 eggs they collected yesterday, only 4 were mature.

Not so great.

But all 4 have fertilised and they didn't need to use IMSI so that is a positive.

Frankie was the first to be told the news, followed by Flex Thunderstache.

5 minutes later I was making an emergency trip to the vets as I discovered that my beloved little fur baby had eaten about 30 grams of very dark chocolate. The vet needed to give her an injection to make her throw it all up. We are back home now and I am nursing sick little puppy back to health. She should be fine, but I will need to keep an eye on her for the next 24 hours.

Now back to the IVF story.

So while 4 is sort of a disappointing number, this is out of my hands. I know that anything can happen and that we will just have to wait and see.

As we have more than 3 embryos we will be doing a day 5 transfer which will be Sunday. I will be praying that my phone doesn't ring on Sunday morning. If it does, I think I will have to get Flex Thunderstache to take the call. I don't think I could cope with another call like that.

On transfer day no news is good news.

Fertility Associates, please don't call me on Sunday.

Much love,
Alana, Flex Thunderstache and the chocolate monster.

Luke 12:25

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?

Day 11 - Egg collection day

Today was egg collection day.

In the lead up to today I have been feeling very calm and relaxed about it all, although I must admit that this morning I was a mix of excitement and nervous giggles.

First we met with the nurse to have my blood pressure taken and to go over a few things. Flex Thunderstache told the nurse we had been having difficulties getting him pregnant which is why we needed IVF. We then met with the embryologist who went over our consent forms. We decided to have the IMSI add on if the embryologist thought it necessary. IMSI is like ICSI where they inject a single sperm into each mature egg, except they use much higher magnification when selecting the sperm. It will help them to pick out the best ones. As none of our embryos made it to transfer day last time, we felt this would give us the best chance to avoid it happening again. We will find out tomorrow if they needed to use it.

Last time with my egg collection they had great difficulties getting the needle into arm for the pain relief, so instead of poking and prodding me multiple times, this time I was given an oral pill along with a local.

Dressed in my hospital gown wearing my lucky socks from my sock buddy, I was ready to go.

The actual procedure is pretty quick, but this time it hurt way more. I made the mistake of looking at the needle they were going to be using - it was so long. The local worked but I think it maybe needed longer to numb me as I felt the needle pierce each follicle. As the follicles can move around, the can't just slowly press the needle into it, they have to kind of stab it in. That wasn't fun.

Once the needle is in the follicle, its sucks out the liquid, along with any eggs that are in it. The fluid moves from the needle to a long tube and into a test tube where it is then passed through a hole in the wall to the embryologist who check for eggs and calls out the numbers.

All up we got 10 eggs. 10! I congratulated my ovaries and confess that I was feeling pretty proud of myself. From the scan on Saturday, I was only expecting 5 - 6 eggs so Flex and I were really chuffed with 10.

Tomorrow we will get a call from the embryologist and we will find out how many of those eggs were mature, how many fertilised and if they needed to use IMSI. All going well, we will have our first transfer on Sunday. Until then, it's lots of rest and cuddles from my sweet Frankie.

Some photos from the day

 

My egg socks, perfect for egg collection day

Gold bracelet sent to me by my prayer partner. The text is Hebrew and means 'to wait expectantly.' Katie has been such a blessing and so encouraging during this journey.

Before egg collection

After egg collection - still a bit drugged up.

Test tubes containing the fluid from my follicles and maybe and egg.

Day 8

What a day it has been.

I had my first scan this morning. This is the first opportunity to see how things are progressing. How well I am responding to the meds and whether any changes need to be made to my treatment plan. 

First up was my right ovary.

21mm, 17mm 8mm the doctor called out to Flex Thunderstache to record.

Ok, now the left ovary.

Wait, what?

What about all the other folicles? Is that it?

I must have let out some disappointed sound as the Dr then asked me how many I had on my right side last time. I said last time I had 5 on one side and 6 on the other, but couldn't remember which was which.

Trying to stay positive, I piped up with, 'well, it's all about quality not quantity'. The Dr gave me a reassuring pat on the knee and said 'that's right, you know. you have done this before haven't you'

On to the left side. Fortunately my left side had been much more productive.

19mm, 16mm, 17mm, 15mm, 12mm, 11mm

My follicles being measured. The follicles contain the eggs but 1 follicle does not necessarily contain 1 egg. it could have a couple or none.

These measurements were bigger than last time but I was still surprised to be told that egg collection was likely to be on Tuesday (A day earlier than I had expected) and that I didn't need another scan. Just a blood test the following morning.

From memory, the measurement they are aiming for with the follicles is between 16mm - 22mm. They grow quite fast too, about 2mm a day, which means mine will be ripe for the harvest shortly.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little disappointed. I think it's only natural to compare things to my last cycle, however, I keep reminding myself that the last cycle didn't go so well, so maybe this is better. I am hoping that my body is going for quality over quantity this time and is producing some super eggs. Although disappointed, I feel quite relaxed about everything. I just trust God. I trust that life will grow in my womb in his perfect timing.

After the scan and blood test we were headed for Levin, but not before making a stop at home to mow the lawns. Flex Thunderstache insisted that we had to mow the lawns first. He is very particular about how long the grass is allowed to get.

It is church camp this weekend in Levin. We were planning to go for Saturday and Sunday but the 9am blood test on Sunday morning made that a bit difficult so we just went up for Saturday afternoon and came home early Sunday morning.

We are so blessed to be part of such an amazing, supportive community who gathered around us in the evening to pray and sing over us. It was such a beautiful moment and we felt so loved. Whatever happens, I know that God is with us.

Thanks family.

Day 6

Tonight I will add Orgalutran injections to my night time routine.

I remember Orgalutran well.

The needle is much thicker that the Gonal F one.

And it stings

I mean really stings.

It takes a couple of seconds and then it hits you.

I am not looking forward to this.

For the last 5 days I have been taking Gonal F to help stimulate my ovaries so I produce lots of eggs,

Orgalutran is designed to stop my body from releasing these eggs. I want them all stored up for egg collection day.

Tomorrow I am booked in for acupuncture.

I couldn't tell you how many sessions of acupuncture I have had over the last couple of years. It's been a lot.

Acupuncture is meant to help increase the blood flow which helps with embryo implantation.

My theory is, if I don't do acupuncture and this cycle doesn't work, I know I am going to think 'I should have done acupuncture' that's how I make my decisions these days regarding fertility. I have found it quite useful.

So my life at the moment involves lots of needles.

Think of me tomorrow afternoon as I lie on the bed relaxing with needles stuck in me.

I will post another update after my first scan on Saturday.

Until then, this is the pin cushion signing out.

Goodnight

Day 3

Today I was chatting with a friend at work and he was asking about how long the cycle takes. I said I had a scan on Saturday and probably Monday. That I expect egg collection to be on Wednesday 25th and if all goes well transfer will be on Monday the 30th and I will be pregnant.

Pregnant!!

In less than 2 weeks time.

That is such a surreal thought.

It's been 5 years and 8 months and I have never had a positive pregnancy test.

I will be what they call PUPO. Pregnant until proven otherwise.

And that's the closest I will have ever been to being pregnant.

I'll just leave you with those thoughts.

Xxx Alana, Flex Thunderstache and Frankie

Day 2

Last night I did my first injection.

Gonal F.

This is to stimulate my ovaries to help me produce lots of eggs.

It was actually pretty uneventful.

I was pleased that I remembered what to do.

Unlike my first injection last cycle, I made sure I pushed the end down all the way so I got the full dose. No double injection for me this time.

I'm a pro now.

On Thursday I start on Orgalutron. Not looking forward to that one.

It stings.

Round 2 - Fight!

Most women would not be excited about the arrival of their period. They can be inconvenient, messy and painful.

But when you are a woman who is on the IVF journey, it's exciting. Don't get me wrong, they are still all of the above, but it means that the wait is over.

Finally we can have another go.

We are one step closer to growing our family.

I have collected my drugs from the clinic and I'm ready to go. When our nurse handed them to me she said, 'the best part is, you don't have to pay for them this time!' I still find it hard to believe. We were told told the wait was 12 - 18 months. We waited only 7 months!

First injection tomorrow evening. 

I am ready for the fight.

I am ready to punch infertility in it's ugly face!

My friends, you are not alone

The journey through infertility has many negatives and a small handful of positives.

One of those positives is the friends you make along the way, the relationships that are forged as you battle through the storms of infertility.

You celebrate the highs together

You support and encourage one another

You cry with them in the hard times.

This week, 3 of my friends have received really shit news

And my heart aches for them.

My dear friend who has just gone through a miscarriage

My sock buddy who I was supposed to be doing an IVF cycle with, has just had her cycle cancelled after her second scan revealed she hadn't responded well to the drugs this time.

My prayer partner who has just been told her ovarian reserve is so low the Dr doesn't even recommend trying IVF and instead suggested they go straight to adoption or egg donor.

My heart aches for them.

Please join me in praying for these 3 beautiful women who long to be mums.

Pray for strength and courage as they navigate their way through infertility.

                       

So close, but yet so far

And the count down is on!

In roughly 1 week we will begin our second round of IVF.

I have taken myself away to Martinborough for a weekend of rest and relaxation before we start.

No dishes to wash, kitchen to clean, grocery shops to do or clothes to launder. Just stillness, birds and great food. It is a rare weekend where my time is my own.

I have been looking forward to October so we can just get on with things. Now it is here I am starting to feel a bit nervous. Not about having to inject myself or having my eggs collected. I know the process and it was alright.

It's the emotional roller coaster.

Last time I was prepared for it not to work. I had realistic expectations.

But I wan't prepared for it to not work in the way it did.

I think this has just highlighted for me how many different ways it can not work. That every step is a milestone, because you don't know if or when you will find yourself on the off ramp.

Time will tell.