An unexpected turn

Usually I look forward to calls from the clinic. They update us, inform us, prepare us and remind us we are well on our way in this journey.

Except today.

Today is transfer day.

On transfer day you don't want a call from the clinic.

On transfer day, no news is good news.

At 8:20 am my cell phone rang and my heart sank.

It was the clinic.

We had 7 embryos. Good numbers. Good odds. It only takes 1.

Sadly, none of our embryos made it to day 5, which means we have nothing to transfer.

Devastated.

Yet I believe that God is the giver and creator of all life. We have had so many people holding us in prayer during this time (we are so thankful for you all) that it makes it easier to accept that this just wasn't our time.

I have never been very good at hearing from God, but I do randomly get songs pop into my head, and I believe that this is how God speaks to me.

Today it was this song:

We place you on the highest place
For you are the great high priest
We place you high above all else
And we come to you and worship at you feet.

A reminder that God is at my center. He is my rock

I am thankful for the opportunity we were given, for the friends I have made, for the support and love and prayers we have received. It has made this journey so much easier.

A good friend of mine once said that with IVF there are so many off ramps. So many stages along the journey where you may suddenly find yourself exiting the journey.

Today was our off ramp.

But there are also on ramps. We will take our time to grieve, to process what has happened, and then when it is our turn for public funding, we will give it another go.

So for now, I am on the hunt for a big piece of gooey, sticky, sickly chocolate cake. And I think we will open the bottle of dessert wine we bought in Martinborough in March.

And when you have this face to look at, who can be sad.

I know that we will be OK, we have Frankie, our little treasure. And I have Flex Thunderstache. There is never a dull moment being married to him.

Much love,
Frankie, Flex Thunderstache and Alana

The update call

I got the call this morning from the lab.

Of our 14 eggs that they collected, 9 were mature.

Of those 9, 7 have fertilized.

So we have 7 little embryos, that will spend the next 5 days developing hopefully into what is called a blastocyst. (A blastocyst is an embryo that has been developing for 5 days)

On Monday they will transfer the blastocyst into my womb. Hopefully we will have more than 1 blastocyst and the remaining one(s) can be frozen for later use. Statistically speaking, I would expect maybe 2-4 of the fertilized embryos to make it to the blastocyst stage.

This is such a numbers game!

So now we wait.

Again.

There is lots of waiting in the IVF process.

Much love,
Alana, Flex and Frankie Xxx

Egg Collection Day

My small, stubborn veins let me down today.

The first nurse spent a while locating a suitable vein and tried putting in a needle for the IV line for my pain relief drugs. She was unsuccessful and went to talk to the other nurses to see if they were game to try it. She came back 5 minutes later to say that none of them were willing to do it. They didn't want to poke and prod me with needles unnecessarily and decided the doctor could do it. 

Flex Thunderstache offered up a couple of suggestions - could they use a scalpel and a drip tray to access my veins?

Um, no thanks!

They could get me lifting some weights and doing some press ups to make my veins more prominent.

Thanks but no thanks! I will wait for the doctor.

Even with the smallest butterfly needles my veins just would cooperate. We informed the nurses and doctor that when I was hospitalized in India, it took 9 attempts to get the IV line in. After 6 failed attempts they decided not to poke and prod me any more and instead gave me a local anesthetic. This was far more successful.

The whole process of getting me dosed up on pain relief drugs took about half an hour and the wait was the worst part. I was please I had taken my cell phone in so I could listen to music. I had made up a shot playlist of worship music the night before and was so pleased I did. It really helps to calm me. The effect of the drugs kicked in pretty quickly and then we were off.

The nurses were lovely, I was very grateful for the one who sat next to me and listened to me babble on about our trip to India and how much I love my dog. It was such a good distraction. 

The egg collection process was pretty quick and I could see it on the ultra sound screen. the needle would pierce each follicle and then suck out all the fluid (this is how they get the eggs) down a tube and into a test tube. It was then passed through a window to the embryologist who would count out how many eggs they had. 

1

5,

10,

14!

14 eggs - I am an egg factory.

We are both so pleased with  this result.

Here are some pictures from today

All ready for the procedure in the sexy hospital gown

Rocking my lucky socks.

Remembered to take my phone in this time so this is one of my follicles you can see on the screen.

Tomorrow we will get a call from the embryologist and find out how many of our eggs fertilized.
Stayed tuned for another update tomorrow.

Xxx Alana, Flex and Frankie

Excited for a needle free day

I woke up this morning feeling really excited and happy that not only am I finished with the Orgalutran, I have a needle free day today.

But needle free day was not yet meant to be - I ended up having an acupuncture session this afternoon to help with blood flow and prepare my body for what is to come tomorrow.

Fortunately I had a few acupuncture sessions last year so I am used to it and know what to expect. I actually find it really relaxing now and I usually fall asleep. Lovely.

On Saturday I met up with my sock buddy to exchange gifts. The idea with sock buddies is that you are matched up with a girl who is doing an IVF cycle around the same time as you. You exchange some 'lucky socks' and we also decided to do a little care package. It is so great having someone to talk to who knows exactly what you are going through. The reason for the 'lucky socks' is because during egg collection and embryo transfer you are only allowed to wear their oh so attractive gown, bra and a pair of socks. It will be nice to take something fun and colourful into the procedure with me.

Thank you Rissa for the lovely gifts and the dino socks! I love them.

So tomorrow is egg collection day.

They will use a big needle to pass through my vagina and into the ovary. The needle then turns into a vacuum cleaner type thing that will suck out my eggs.

Fun!

I hope the sedative is strong.

This part of the process is what I have been feeling most nervous about. Your prayers and positive thoughts are appreciated.

Tomorrow we will also find out how many eggs they were able to retrieve. IVF is a numbers game. I am hopeful there will be lots, but you just don't know.

Goodnight and sleep tight.
Love from the egg factory, Flex and Frankie Xxx

Day 10 - Follow up scan

Today I had my second blood test and scan.

No kid sized needle for me today - my veins decided to cooperate.

My follicles are developing nicely. There were even 4 new ones that were big enough to measure this morning, so I now have at least 13 growing. My tummy is starting to feel quite tender from all the injections and also quite full - full of follicles!

I had a different Dr today who did things much slower, meaning I had time to take in what was happening and ask questions. It was far more informative and interesting that Saturdays scan.

On the left side I have 7 folicles - 17mm, 16mm, 20mm, 16mm, 15mm, 13mm, 13mm
On the right side I have 6 folicles - 18mm, 17mm, 17mm, 15mm, 14mm, 13mm

I should have asked to take my phone in so I could get a photo of the scan, but I didn't. So this image is not mine but will give you an idea of what I saw.

The dark blobs are the follicles that contain the eggs.

IVF is really a numbers game. I am really hoping I get at least 10 eggs, more if possible. For those of you who like facts and figures, see below.

I got the call this afternoon to say I am ready to proceed with egg collection on Wednesday.

This means no more Orgalutran.

Happy days!

Tonight at 9pm I take my trigger injection. This will tell my body to release my eggs for egg collection on Wednesday.

I have heard that Orgalutran is the worst injection. I have also heard that the trigger injection is the worst.

I will let you know tomorrow which one I liked the least.

I expect there will be lots of updates this week, so keep checking in for new posts.

Until then, much love, Alana, Flex Thunderstache and Frankie Xxx

Day 8 - 1st Scan

My Saturday morning started with my 7am date with Orgalutran. No sleep in for me.

After some yoga, a quick walk with Frankie and some breakfast we were off to the clinic for my first scan. 

We arrived just after 8am and were joined by 2 others. The after hours buzzer wasn't working and we were all locked out, while the staff wondered where all their patients were. After a few phone calls we managed to get inside and out of the cold. 

My scan was quick. 

It was strange seeing my insides up on the screen.

The specialist pointed out my follicles that have been growing. They look like squishy black spots on the screen.

The follicles contain my eggs. Normally there is one egg per follicle but I have been told that sometimes they can also have 2 eggs or none. The eggs are too small to see, so they measure the size of the follicles to determine when they are ready for harvesting. The specialist took the measurements and called out the numbers to Flex Thunderstache to record.

I have 4 follicles growing on the right side and 5 on the left. I don't remember the exact measurements, but they all varied in size between 11mm and 16mm. 16mm to 20mm is considered mature, so that is what we are aiming for.

I was told that everything was looking good and that I am responding well to the drugs.

Good news.

I have been so lucky to not have any side effects so far, to the extent that I thought maybe I was doing something wrong. I was pleased to hear that all is going well.

I then had to have a blood test. Sometimes my veins are small and stubborn. Today was one of those days where my veins just didn't want to cooperate. To avoid prodding around with a big needle, the nurse kindly decided to use what he called a butterfly needle. He then went on to explain its what they use for doing blood tests on babies and small children. I am pleased he did. I didn't feel a thing!

I have another scan and blood test on Monday. It will be interesting to see how much my follicles have grown and if there are any more. If all is good, egg collection may be as soon as Wednesday. 

I will update you all again on Monday.

Until then, stay classy Wellington.

Much love, 

Flex Thunderstache, Alana and Frankie

Orgalutran - Not my friend

My evening date with Gonal F has been going well. After 5 days, I feel like a pro and inject myself without any issues.

Yesterday I started my morning injection - Orgalutran.

I approached it like my evening injection, not expecting to have any issues. I am sure the needle must by much wider. It was so hard to get it to go into my skin. A lot more force was required. This picture sums up what it felt like.

And then, ouch - boy does this one sting !

I don't like Orgalutran.

So my evening Gonal F is over stimulating my ovaries to encourage lots of eggs, while Orgalutran is telling my body not to release any of these eggs.

I am pleased to say that so far, I have not experienced any side effects, although my tummy is now starting to show the signs of being used as a pin cushion.

And I have learnt something new about Flex Thunderstache.

He doesn't like needles.

He can't watch while I do the injections, instead he sits around the corner from me, where there is no chance of seeing it, and calls out encouraging words of support from the couch.

Thanks Flex.

Tomorrow I have my first scan and blood test. This will be the first indication of how I am responding to the meds - hopefully well, but not too well, I don't want to be at risk of OHSS (Ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome)

I will update you all tomorrow with how the scan goes.

Until then, thanks for reading

Xxx Alana, Flex Thunderstache and Frankie

5th June - And we are off

I am pleased to report that my first injection is done and dusted.

It was actually pretty uneventful.

I didn't push the end bit down far enough the first time which meant I didn't get my full dose and I had to do it again, but other than that, all went well.

I expect that in a couple of days I will be injecting myself like a pro.

4th June - The arrival of Aunt Flo

And not like clockwork, my period arrived yesterday morning - 3 days early!

I thought I would feel excited.

But the reality is, I feel caught off guard, unprepared and a bit emotional.

After calling the clinic and clarifying a few things, I am pleased to say that I feel a lot more relaxed about things, prepared for what is ahead and EXCITED.

I informed my sister in laws/mother in law last night that my period had arrived and that I would be starting my injections tomorrow. They said they had been talking about it earlier and wondering when my day one would be. We then had a laugh about how we were openly discussing my menstrual cycle like it was a perfectly normal conversation to be having.

This morning Flex Thunderstache and I drove into town to Fertility Associates and exchanged thousands of dollars for a few boxes of drugs. I have never made such a large purchase on my credit card before. I wasn't sure if there was a limit with how much you could spend in one purchase, but fortunately the payment was excepted and there weren't any problems.

Tonight I will be giving myself my first injection.

Gonal-F.

I feel surprising relaxed about it at the moment, but it's still a few hours away so there is still time for the nerves to kick in.

Gonal-F is a hormone injection which will help stimulate the development of my follicles, and hopefully mean I will have lots of egg available on egg collection day.

We have waited over 5 years to get to today. It's finally here.