My friends, you are not alone

The journey through infertility has many negatives and a small handful of positives.

One of those positives is the friends you make along the way, the relationships that are forged as you battle through the storms of infertility.

You celebrate the highs together

You support and encourage one another

You cry with them in the hard times.

This week, 3 of my friends have received really shit news

And my heart aches for them.

My dear friend who has just gone through a miscarriage

My sock buddy who I was supposed to be doing an IVF cycle with, has just had her cycle cancelled after her second scan revealed she hadn't responded well to the drugs this time.

My prayer partner who has just been told her ovarian reserve is so low the Dr doesn't even recommend trying IVF and instead suggested they go straight to adoption or egg donor.

My heart aches for them.

Please join me in praying for these 3 beautiful women who long to be mums.

Pray for strength and courage as they navigate their way through infertility.

                       

So close, but yet so far

And the count down is on!

In roughly 1 week we will begin our second round of IVF.

I have taken myself away to Martinborough for a weekend of rest and relaxation before we start.

No dishes to wash, kitchen to clean, grocery shops to do or clothes to launder. Just stillness, birds and great food. It is a rare weekend where my time is my own.

I have been looking forward to October so we can just get on with things. Now it is here I am starting to feel a bit nervous. Not about having to inject myself or having my eggs collected. I know the process and it was alright.

It's the emotional roller coaster.

Last time I was prepared for it not to work. I had realistic expectations.

But I wan't prepared for it to not work in the way it did.

I think this has just highlighted for me how many different ways it can not work. That every step is a milestone, because you don't know if or when you will find yourself on the off ramp.

Time will tell.

Drug teach appointment

On Friday I had my drug teach appointment. Although, since our last round was only 3 months ago, I didn't really feel the need to practice injecting myself.

I know I can do it.

My treatment plan has stayed the same. I am not surprised by this as I did respond well to the drugs last time.

I was a good opportunity to ask a few questions and talk about some 'optional extras' that we might like to add on.

The first is 'Time lapse morphometry imaging' also know as Timi. This is where photos are taken of the embryo every 10 minutes over the 5 days they are developing in the incubator. It helps the embryologist identify the embryos that have the best potential for implantation and can therefor increase the chance of pregnancy from the first embryo transferred by up to 10%

When our last round ended I was wishing we have paid for this service. However, at out appointment, our doctor was able to tell us at what stage each stopped developing so I am not sure it would have told us anymore.

I can't help but feel that this just a bit of an add for the clinic to make some more money. I am not really sure it would improve our chances, just maybe reduce the amount of transfers we have to do till we find the one that 'sticks' This is assuming we are lucky enough to get more than one blastocyst. (the name given to a 5 day old embryo, which is when they do the transfer)

The other 'add on' we discussed is called Intra-cytoplasmic Morphologically Selected Sperm Injection. (IMSI) IMSI is like ICSI (what we did last time) They select a single sperm to inject into the egg, but they use a microscope with much higher magnification. This enables the embryologist to see the sperm head in detail and pick the best looking ones. This technique initially sounded really appealing. One of the reasons you would use it is if you have few embryos developing to the blastocyst stage. (Or in our case, none) However, when I consulted Dr Google, i found some articles saying it was still quite an experimental technique (couldn't find a date on this article, so will need to look into that more) and that it actually decreased chances compared to ISCI due to the added time it takes to select a sperm, leaving the unfertilized egg more vulnerable. We have about a month before we start treatment, so still have a bit of time to think it over and decide what we want to do.

I also made sure they had written on their notes about how my veins would not cooperate last time. (They did) It said to give me an oral pain relief and a local and not to attempt to put a needle in my veins multiple times. It also noted that 'I coped well, last time'.  That's a relief.

So now we wait.

Again.

Can't wait to just get on with it. I know what to expect this time. I don't feel nervous, just excited and keen to get things underway.

Bring on October!

Oops he did it again

Flex Thunderstache strikes again!

This time he threw our consent forms in the bin.

The ones I need to take to the clinic with me this Friday.

- Forms have now been retrieved from the wheelie bin.

I commend you Flex Thunderstache for actually tidying up,

But,

Next time,

PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT YOU ARE THROWING OUT!!!

Yay for normal chromosomes

On Friday I finally got the call.

This was a good call to say that both our results had come back normal. Our chromosomes are normal. Hooray.

It was meant to be a 2 week wait for the results - it turned into 3.5 weeks and in that time my mind had created all sorts of problems that they may find.

The first time I called for our results, they didn't have them.

The second time our nurse was on leave that day but I was told that the results were in and sitting on her desk and I would get a call the next day. She said she wanted to leave it for Laura as she was up to date with our treatment and how things had been progressing. Makes sense I guess, but at that point, all I could think was, surely, if the results were normal, she would just say everything is fine. Because she was reluctant to tell me our results, it convinced me something was wrong.

When I finally got the call on Friday, I was prepared for the worst, but all was well. We are both pretty relieved and can now start focusing ahead.

I am booked in for an appointment on the 14th September to go over the treatment plan. It will be interesting to see if our Doctor has changed anything. I responded quite well to all the drugs last time, so maybe it will stay the same.

October will be here in no time I imagine, but for us, it can't come soon enough. Until then, we have WOW to look forward to and also the Post Modern Duke box concert.

Xxx Alana, Flex Thunderstache, Frankie and our happy healthy chromosomes!

Unexpected news

OMG!

On Saturday Flex Thunderstache and I received an exciting and very unexpected letter from Fertility Associates – we are near the top of the waiting list for public funding!

I was in shock!

And convinced they must have made a mistake.

We only went on the list in March. At our review last week, we were told the current wait time is 15 months, which we had estimated to mean it would be our turn for public funding in July 2018.

Speechless

And so excited!

Yesterday I called the clinic and they have a place for us in October

The journey continues...............

And then the worry creeps in

We are more than half way through our wait and while I wait, I am becoming more and more sure that they will find an issue with my chromosome blood test.

I am probably over thinking things and just being a bit dramatic, but I just have this feeling.

If they were to find something, it would explain a lot of things - I mean, 5 and a half years of 'unexplained infertility'- surely that in itself is an indication that there is something wrong.

It would explain the 2 miscarriages I had a few years ago (very very early miscarriages)

It would explain our failed IVF treatment.

It would explain a lot.

And on another note, I have realised that I am a bit of a nob.

I have entitled this blog 'those 2 blue lines' but have recently come to realise that the majority of pregnancy test actually have pink/red lines, not blue. I guess this just highlights my inexperience with pregnancy tests!